We were headed home from a week-long sailing trip, and I wasn’t looking forward to the 4-hour flight from Mexico City to LA. The fact that I’m severely claustrophobic played a big role in my hesitation. We were seated in the 6th row of the plane, just behind the bulkhead that divides first class from the rest of us. Don graciously offered me the window seat, thinking a view might help. Somehow, having only two feet of space above my head (rather than four to five in the aisle) made a big difference – negative, I’m afraid. Nevertheless, I tried to make the best of it.
Deep breaths…relax…you can do this. I already felt a panic attack coming on, and we hadn’t even taken off yet. It didn’t help that there were at least 10 planes lined up single file on the runway waiting to depart. As we inched our way along, I looked out the hazy window covered in raindrops. Such strange weather for Mexico in July. After an eternity, we finally lurched forward into the cloudy, gray sky. The movement and lull of the engine put Don to sleep almost immediately.
I felt totally alone and alienated. Everything the flight attendant announced was either in Spanish - or English delivered in such a thick accent I couldn’t understand anyway. A small TV screen dropped down over our heads, but the shows playing were also in Spanish. A 2-year-old behind me started to fuss. This is going to be the longest evening of my life! I turned on my IPOD (loaded with worship music) and pushed the ear buds into my ears. For the next 3 ½ hours, I sat in that tiny, cramped space looking out the window and letting my mind and heart soar towards God.
Eventually, the sun began to set. The scene was so different than anything I’d ever seen before. I was above the clouds watching the sun descend below them. Little by little, beautiful purples and pinks smeared across an endless layer of cotton. It was amazing! I wished I could just step off the plane onto the fluffy carpet. Where are you heaven? Are you just beyond this beautiful path?
If only I could have remained in that perfect “spiritual” state of mind. Instead, I temporarily looked away. More Spanish TV. Don started wiggling because his legs were cramping. I wiggled and tried to stretch out (which only reminded me of how little room I actually had). Panic was on the horizon again. Poor Don. He wanted to slap me out of it. After all, he practically lives on airplanes. “You need to get some Valium next time!” I didn’t blame him for being irritated. I was being ridiculous, but I couldn’t help it. Focus, Mary, focus. Put your eyes back on God. Look out the window. Put the music back on…
Peace slowly slipped back into my skin. Finally, I felt the plane descend. Just then, the captain said something I didn’t understand. He repeated it in English: “LAX has asked us to circle for a while. We will land as soon as we can.” What did you say? Put this thing down on the ground right now! I watched the city lights below come in and out of my view. I wish I could say that I held on to my peace. No, instead, I ranted and raved and irritated my husband relentlessly. Eventually, the plane landed. I got off before Don did and didn’t bother looking back. I headed straight for customs. So what did I learn from this experience? #1: keep my eyes focused on God at all times. #2: get an isle seat if at all possible. #3: go back to #1 and do it again!
Lord, please help me keep my eyes focused on you in all circumstances. Amen
